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Clown '12
From a Free Republic thread on Sarah Palin:
She saved the McCain campaign the embarassment of losing by a landslide, end of argument.
People often wonder exactly why the Republican Party is filled to the brim with crazy people, and this of course is a perfect example. Because with the exception of the actual election itself, there's almost no means of punishment within the Republican Party.
In my previous post I linked to that fantastic Grover Norquist piece which is, and I say this with no hyperbole at all, wrong in almost every single sentence. Were this a civics class essay, Norquist would have been expelled from community college for it. And yet, right now, Norquist is in Washington meeting with other "prominent Republicans" to discuss Republican policy because no matter what stupid, incorrect babble sprews from his mouth, he's officially a conservative genius. This is what they mean by "wingnut welfare." You never lose your job. Ever.
These people think Sarah Palin was the savior of the Republican Party, because like all the polls for Obama, they have decided that reality is unpleasant for them so they'll just imagine that it's true. On Planet Earth, she crippled any moderate status the McCain ticket had, was an embarrassment on a daily basis, is likely a criminal who abused her office, and is, quite frankly, stupid.
When I wrote the strip "Huckstered," it was about Mike Huckabee winning Iowa, and how it was a moment of the Republican Party watching itself plummet into a ditch because the chickens of pandering to right-wing lunacy came home to roost. And it's happening again. They are watching their political future crash and burn because the vocal insane faction of the GOP is demanding that we all pretend Palin is awesome the same way that Terri Schiavo was actually alive if they just yelled loud enough.
This is going to be kind of awesome, actually. Remember, she saved them the embarassment of losing by a landslide.
Huh
So, basically, the single beneficial thing Sarah Palin did for the Republican ticket was help a convicted felon in her home state get re-elected.
Corgis are nice
The modern Democratic Party cannot survive the reelection of President George W. Bush and another four years of Republican control of both Congress and the White House.No brag. Just fact.
-Grover Norquist, the stupidest person alive, in the most fucking hilarious essay ever written by anyone, ever
You know, I really had so much more to write. There was a lot in my head that ranged anywhere from vindictive to joyous to smarmy to cheeky to a whole bunch of other adjectives that someone of my age and gender demographic should really not actually use in casual conversation. Ohio was called about 9:30 in my time zone and I realized right about then that I had the opportunity to get something really poignant about this out there. And then I realized that probably everyone else on the internet would probably have that covered. And then I realized that I really had no idea what Pabst Blue Ribbon tasted like. And then after the Pabst Blue Ribbon at the bar down the street I suddenly really wanted to buy cupcakes for everyone at my office. And so that's why this blog post is complete shit.
There is going to be a lot of talk about why McCain lost, and I think that's really stupid, because just like the media spending ten hours going over a five-minute revelation, they are likewise going to spend weeks debating an answer that anyone with half a brain cell could tell you- because he pissed away everything he pretended he stood for to have a mentally imbalanced and intellectually defunct pseudo-Christian fundamentalist with a passion for petty grudges and murdering large mammals as his running mate as part of an escalating campaign of fear and racism.
I guarantee you, there will be a painfully large amount of opinions now that this is over using the phrase "I feel sorry for McCain." I don't. He deserves this and he knows it. The last few months of his campaign were evil, and tonight, by an overwhelming margin, we defeated it. We bashed evil in its skull and left it for dead. The only thing evil can do now is blog about it.
As promised by their father nearly two years ago, Malia and Sasha are getting their puppy when they move to the White House. And they will probably contemplate the acquisition of their new pet with more detail and scrutiny than McCain did his own running mate. Because of that, unlike what befell McCain, I assure you that Obama's adorable daughters will not find themselves in the company of a warm, cuddly monster of a deceitful beast who spread her rabies to anyone who came too close to her and turn others into frothing pack animals.
At this point, I'm very happy, and I'm very exhausted, and have eaten far too much ice cream in a four-hour period combined with shell topping and those rock-cocaine-addictive mini chocolate chip cookies from Trader Joe's that come in a gallon-sized bucket because Trader Joe's is trying to kill me. But I really do want to leave with a thought, because I think it is something pure and warm and obliterates the hatred I continue to have and will always have for someone as duplicitous and despicable the bullet we dodged as a people known as Sarah Palin that is wasting up way too much space in my mind:
In the heart of all this, this glorious moment, the world rests on the shoulders of the first black man elected to lead the most powerful nation on earth. He will sleep tonight wondering all the things that could mean the very future of this country and the safety of the civilized world. And in the next room over, his two daughters will be thinking what type of puppy they want. I would like, at this late moment, to think that's really what we all fought for. Though I freely admit I'm sort of drunk.
"Hope"
I offer this week's installment in the spirit of a brighter future of racial and cultural healing, in the only way I can express it, and by that, of course, I mean being very, very stupid.
This will very likely be the last thing you see on this site until after the election results come in. And if they come in giving the election to McCain, I want to warn you all in advance that I haven't done anything horrible to myself, I'll just probably be too depressed to write for a few days. I hope to see you on Tuesday night in a fit of rambling exuberance.
I spent Saturday canvassing for Obama around Atlanta. The truth is, I have no choice but to be optimistic. I've never seen so many people so motivated like this before. All this week, co-workers at my office talked of two and three-hour lines for early voting. I've also felt that I didn't know who would win, but whoever did would win in a landslide just based on national mood. I can really only put it one way: I'm not going to say I think Obama will win, but I'll be amazed if McCain does.
It has come to my attention that several million of you living in this country have not yet purchased a copy of the new book. I would hope you see fit to correct this immediately.