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Monday, March 31, 2003
Oh sweet holy Jesus
Tom just
mentioned it on his site, but I had
the link sitting in my inbox and it's
too good to not mention here as well.
Here
you go.
To add to Tom's mention, here's the loving
description of the collectible as
well:
No matter where his mission takes him,
he'll never be beyond the reach of God's
protection. As the brave members of
the U.S. military head out to defend
our freedom, it's comforting to know
that each one is sheltered in the loving
hands of God. Keep this radiant tribute
near as a brilliant reminder of all
those who proudly serve our country.
Meticulously crafted by hand, this limited-edition
Hamilton Collection collectible figurine
is filled with authentic details. Please
hurry to order now.
The ad page also notes how this is the
first item in the "America's Guardian
of Freedom Collection" and how detailed
it is in it's included helmet and assault
rifle. Truly, the equipment that all should
find necessary when literally being held
in the hands of the almighty himself.
posted by August J. Pollak at
6:29 PM
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My brains!
Despite claims from CENTCOM, Geraldo
Rivera is now denying
the recent news reports that he has
been kicked out of Iraq for disclosing
troop position information.
This leaves us, fellow Americans, to
make a decision on which one of these
two entities is telling the truth: the
United States Military Central Command,
or Geraldo Rivera.
posted by August J. Pollak at
4:04 PM
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Oh yeah
My other Salon-related comment of the
day, which we shall file under the "John's
most-regretted-afterwards posts ever"
category. But I digress. If by any chance
considering your interest in Salon you
just, you know, happen to be the
ridiculously gorgeous blonde girl
in the personals ad currently on Salon's
home page, would you be so kind as to
e-mail me right now?
Oh, screw all y'all. It's worth
a shot.
|
 
Good stuff on Salon today
First off, that's where I first heard
the recent
news about NBC canning Peter Arnett
for speaking badly of the army in an interview
with Al-Jazeera. What I find so interesting
about this is that the news channels are
basically saying they canned Arnett for
his statements as "a lack of journalistic
credibility."
...As opposed to O'Reilly, Carville,
Begala, Rivera, Chung, Hannity, Colmes,
Zahn, Donahue, Savage, Brown, Blitzer,
Hume, and all the others who label themselves
as "journalists" yet have been proven
to have blatantly lied and/or distorted
facts on a near-daily basis. I think it
gives perspective into who real "journalists"
are, agree with their political leanings
or not.
I'm loath to give a detailed reaction
to this, since I missed Arnett's interview
and know only what I've read in this morning's
news, but what strikes me as weird, or
rather somewhat hypocritical of NBC, about
this specific event was that Arnett did
not give his opinion in an NBC report,
but rather in an interview for another
network. Tom Brokaw did the same thing
two months ago on Letterman. I understand
the difference between Dave and Al-Jazeera,
but I'm just sayin'.
(Dave's back tonight, by the way.)
Other fun things from Salon today include
Keith
Knight's latest comic, which had me
laughing before I started even reading
the dialogue. Good god, that's some of
the funniest artwork I've seen in a while.
As always, Salon's got the usual high-quality
selection of viewpoints on the war and
whatnot, as well. Enjoy.
Update: Don Macfarlane informs
me that the interview Arnett made was
with Iraqi state television, which is
emphatically not Al-Jazeera. My
bad. I guess I was looking at... umm....
other things on Salon at the time.
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Sunday, March 30, 2003
Blogger doesn't support Cyrillic characters
that would have allowed me to make a witty
title in Russian
More than a few readers have sent me
links to this
Russian news site. I haven't checked
it enough to take a full stance on its
accuracy, but considering that more than
one of you alerted me to it I'm assuming
there's pertinent opinion within, if not
interesting fact as well.
While we're on the mail subject, a few
have also asked about the Senator/Congressman
asking about public opinion for impeaching
George W. Bush. I didn't address it because
1. The name given was different in a few
e-mails, questioning the authenticity
of the story, and 2. By the time I was
going to post about it, one of the origin
links already updated with a message that
the rumor was false. Much as I'm sure
many in the government are interested
in getting Bush the hell out of there
as soon as possible, it appears that no
one is yet rationally calling for impeachment
in public. Most likely they're all renaming
food.
|
 
Chains of events
Ted
Rall and Gary
Trudeau both used a similar theme
in their most recent strips; both are
staggeringly brilliant.
|
 
Please note
A reader just sent me an e-mail notifying
me that apparently a spam-bot somewhere
out there is sending people e-mails with
"www.xoverboard.com" as the subject line.
I'm sure anyone who gets it would see
by the ad content that it's obviously
not from me, but just a heads up in case
you get anything with this address as
a subject line that's even more hazardous,
i.e. mysterious file attachments or something.
I don't know why my site address is being
used as an e-mail subject, so if anyone
else got one, my only answer to any of
your questions about it is "I have no
idea." Sorry.
posted by August J. Pollak at
7:54 PM
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Admittedly
My friend Shiraz sent me a link to AICN
(which leans, admittedly, on the edge
of veracity) which linked to a
report from UPI (which, admittedly,
leans over that edge even further) about
Michael Moore's newest film project plans.
I'd love to see this film come out, but
I think given the time frame he's shooting
for it might be difficult, considering
that Moore's weakness is, admittedly,
in the fact-checking department. In addition,
I'd much rather be hearing about the animated
film he's been trying to get off the ground
with Tom Tomorrow and my boss at FlickerLab,
Harold Moss. For my sake, admittedly,
as well as the entertainment value.
posted by August J. Pollak at
4:59 PM
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So long, and thanks for all the fish
Anyone remembering the news about the
government training monkeys and dolphins
to hunt for mines will reflect in many
ways on this recent annoucement that Takoma,
the trained U.S. Marine mine-hunting dolphin,
is
missing.
Takoma, the Atlantic bottle-nosed
dolphin, had been in Iraq for 48 hours
when he went missing on his first operation
to snoop out mines.
His handler, Petty Officer Taylor Whitaker,
had proudly showed off Takoma's skills
and told how the 22-year-old dolphin
was among the most pampered creatures
in the American military.
Takoma and his fellow mine hunters
have a special diet, regular medical
checks and their own sleeping quarters,
which is more than can be said for the
vast majority of the military whose
domestic arrangements are basic, to
say the least.
Takoma has now been missing for 48
hours and the solitary figure of Petty
Officer Whitaker could be seen yesterday
patting the water, calling his name
and offering his favourite fish, but
there was no response.
So, it's one of those stories where you
read that last paragraph and you get a
little choked up picturing this naval
officer who's literally heartbroken over
the loss of an animal he trained and raised
like a child, while at the same time a
little excited about the idea that the
dolphin possibly escaped from captivity
while at the same time worrying that,
you know, maybe the dolphin is now in
many little pieces as a result of doing
his job too well.
I hope that the dolphin is alright. And
I hope that in being alright, it means
that technically, the dolphin has now
followed the actions of our commander-in-chief
as far as it pertains to commitment to
military service. Oh, come on, it's an
AWOL dolphin. You all saw that one coming.
Update: Dolphin
found. Business as usual.
posted by August J. Pollak at
4:49 PM
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Saturday, March 29, 2003
Arg
Another work-filled weekend. Sorry for
any delays, I'll try to get some updates
in and some mail read a little later.
posted by August J. Pollak at
4:55 PM
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Friday, March 28, 2003
Oh Jesus.
Hey, American lawmakers! When you're
deeply rooted in an overseas war against
an Arab state to which Muslim fanatics
are using as an excuse to validate their
outrageous claims that the United States
wants an all-out war against Islam, what's
the best thing to do in the eyes of the
government and the national media?
That's right, create
a national day of prayer.
I'm sure American Muslims would enjoy
this day too, except of course for the
fact that they're all on massive lists
of "suspects" for the Justice Depatment.
I have a feeling they're not too interested
in gathering anywhere anytime soon.
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Thursday, March 27, 2003
This is sarcasm's brother: This is
satire
Blogcritics posts
a parody apology from Natalie Maines
of the Dixie Chicks (found via Eric
Alterman's site):
....I hope everyone understands, I'm
just a young girl who grew up in Texas.
As far back as I can remember, I heard
people say they were ashamed of President
Clinton. I saw bumper stickers calling
him everything from a pothead to a murderer.
I heard people on the radio and tv like
Rush Limbaugh, Pat Robertson, Newt Gingrich
and Trent Lott bad mouthing the President
and ridiculing his wife and daughter
at every opportunity.
I heard LOTS of people disrespecting
the President. So I guess I just assumed
it was acceptable behavior.
....I realize it's wrong to have a
liberal opinion if you're a country
music artist. I guess I should have
thought about that before deciding to
play music that attracts hypocritical
red necks.
I also realize now that I'm supposed
to just sing and look cute so our fans
won't have anything to upset them while
they're cheating on their wives or getting
in drunken bar fights or driving around
in their pickup trucks shooting highway
signs and small animals.
And most important of all, I realize
that it's wrong for a celebrity to voice
a political opinion, unless they're
Charlie Daniels, Clint Black, Merle
Haggard, Barbara Mandrell, Loretta Lynn,
Ricky Skaggs, Travis Tritt, Hank Williams
Jr, Amy Grant, Larry Gatlin, Crystal
Gayle, Reba McEntire, Lee Greenwood,
Lorrie Morgan, Anita Bryant, Mike Oldfield,
Ted Nugent, Wayne Newton, Dick Clark,
Jay Leno, Drew Carey, Dixie Carter,
Victoria Jackson, Charleton Heston,
Fred Thompson, Ben Stein, Bruce Willis,
Kevin Costner, Arnold Schwartzenegger,
Bo Derek, Rick Schroeder, George Will,
Pat Buchanan, Bill O'Reilly, Joe Rogan,
Delta Burke, Robert Conrad or Jesse
Ventura.
Kudos for a few names mentioned in the
final paragraph. Just to keep the record
straight: saying truthfully your opinion
of the President of the United States:
horrible. Writing a song ignorantly blaming
Saddam Hussein for the World Trade Center
attacks on September 11th: numer one on
the charts. Folks, this is why I don't
listen to country music. Well, that and
most of it sucks.
posted by August J. Pollak at
4:33 PM
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Random thought
With my upcoming graduation and likely
re-evaluation of this site in general
that I'm going to have to make in regards
to that, I think I need some kind of definitive
Top 10 list or something of the best/funniest
posts and/or comics I've made on this
site. It might be just my own opinion
or partial to reader opinion (hint hint.)
As it stands, from the 14 months of content
here I think my personal favorites include
Gunther IV, the strip about Overboard
thinking he's Kyle MacLachlan, and of
course, the now infamous "COCK!" post.
posted by August J. Pollak at
3:51 PM
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This is sarcasm
OMFG! THEY FOUND A PICTURE
OF A PLANE CRASHING INTO A BUILDING IN
IRAQ! Clearly this is the rock-solid
proof that Saddam Hussein was responsible
for September 11th.
Rest assured, America, that our news
media will in no way spin this as if to
imply something that a rational person
would consider outrageously devoid of
tact and credibility in any way whatsoever.
Yep.
posted by August J. Pollak at
1:05 PM
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Wednesday, March 26, 2003
I made a friend!
You know, folks, for some reason your
day just gets better when you get e-mails
like this one. (Reprinted in full with
no editing)
From: (No name provided, Go fig)
Subject: Poor Patriot
I have little respect for someone who
can't draw or spell and then smashes
the President of the United States and
even relates him to Hitler. A more accurate
comparison should be Hitler to Saddam
Hussein. But liberals such as yourself
are too stupid to realize that Hussein
is evil and should be stopped. His own
people don't have the means to stage
a revolution as our fore-fathers did
in the late 1700's so we help them get
rid of a dictator who doesn't hesitate
to kill his own people to test bio-chem
weapons or because they don't agree.
I must say that you leftist slime are
fortunate (sorry, too large a word for
you, fortunate means lucky) that this
country doesn't crack you guys in half
for the brain-less things you are saying.
You are lucky that congress did not
declare war and the President is just
using his authority as C-in-C, otherwise
the Sedition Act would be in effect
and you could very well be on your way
to Mexico or scribbling your heiroglyphs
(whoops, there i go again, heiroglyphs
are ancient symbols that Egyptians used
to communicate, with no relevant meaning
today.) in a prison cell. Just keep
that in mind next time you try to crack
a joke insulting this horrible, imperialistic
(sorry, that mean dominant), country
that I love. If you want to complain
about imperialism, why not enlist in
Hussein's Corp of Human Shields?
In light of today's "heiroglyph," I'll
say it again: voices of democracy, here.
However, my newest fan has raised a valuable
issue, to which I must admit I have no
counter to. As such, I wish to apologize
to all my readers for the treasonous acts
of misspelled words which have occasionally
appeared on this website. I would blame
Blogger's lack of a spell-check, but no,
President Bush has demanded a new era
of accountability.
Update: Thanks to the many who
asked me to alert my new reader from the
Webster Estate that it's hieroglyph.
But I was sort of hoping everyone would
go with me in spelling it the way the
guy attacking my spelling spelled it.
Consider him now notified.
posted by August J. Pollak at
1:21 PM
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Newest
comic posted - "Voices of democracy."
I drew the strip a few weeks ago before
leaving for spring break, but I think
it happens to be topical considering this
weekend's protests and Michael Moore's
speech at the Oscars. For a group that
loves to note the ludicrous things the
anti-war left says and does, the pro-war
right has a stunning greatest hits list
of their own.
The hypocrisy I tend to notice in the
war debates, especially clear in the blogging
world, is the one-sidedness the pro-war
bloggers take with their commentary. For
example, the anti-war side tends to passively
admit that for all the reasons to be against
this war, there is definite turmoil in
Iraq, and vast quantities of Iraqis would
love to see Saddam gone. The pro-war side,
however, rarely seems to admit that there
are Iraqis that don't want the American
troops there. The left's tradition is
its willingness to concede opposing opinion;
the right's is the belief that it can
do no wrong.
Perhaps that's ultimately the reason
for the boos during Moore's speech. Roger
Ebert took offense at Moore's comments,
claiming they were out of line and inappropriate.
(This comment was made on Leno Monday
night, a mere two minutes after praising
the standing ovation a convicted child
molester had recieved from the same crowd.)
I think the real offense the right took
was that among Sarandon, Bono, Streisand,
and all the other declared-by-the-right-as-"Hollywood
Liberals," Moore was the only one the
entire evening who had the balls to say,
good or bad, rational or rambling, exactly
what was on his mind. As today's strip
proves, the right doesn't have the ability
to do something as powerful as that, because
it's a lot more frequent that what bastions
of conservative thought are "really thinking"
is completely inane and irrational.
|
 
Tuesday, March 25, 2003
A ha. This isn't petty and sad at
all
New York Press has printed an article
pretentiously titled "The
50 Most Loathesome New Yorkers," because
when you want the moral clarity of common
decency and civility as a judge of human
character in New York, by god you just
turn to the New York Press, don't you.
At a suprise to perhaps the three cockroaches
under my fridge, Micheal Moore came in
high at number 3, beat only only by the
publisher of Maxim at #1 and at #2...
oh yes... Ted Rall.
Now, I'm sure with such bastions of intellectual
thought like the Daily News and the Post
flying around, one can obviously understand
that everyone in New York actually knows
by name Ted Rall. I do, because I'm a
huge fan of his work and I hold most of
his more rational opinions in high respect...
but as one who knows a lot about Ted Rall,
I also know that he's in a legal feud
with a member of the Press' own graphics
department, and is an established writer
and comic contributor to both the New
York Times and the Village Voice, the
latter of which is most certainly construed
as the Press' vastly superior (in both
content and circulation) rival.
Saturated in the media pool as he is,
the idea that Ted Rall has more name recognition
and or presence of opinion in public dialogue
than Michael Moore, the crown prince of
the NeoCon whipping targets, is proof
that the writers of this article made
the list a personal hit. In other words,
a peice as petty and self-centered as
"The 50 Most Loathesome New Yorkers" actually
compounded on its pettyness by using part
of the article to, essentially, make a
catty swipe at a cartoonist they don't
like. Personally, I'm glad to see Ted
on TV and in interviews, because frankly
that means the media wants to talk to
cartoonists and listen to their opinions.
I note this only because, as mentioned
in previous posts, Ted Rall seems to be
a favorite among many of the whiny righty
bloggers, so it's worth warning in advance
just how petty the likely self-gratifying
link-fest this hand job of an "article"
is going to be.
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Payback's a bitch
Although the protests are mainly symbolic,
waiters in dozens of bars and restaurants
in Hamburg, Berlin, Munich, Bonn and
other German cities are telling patrons,
"Sorry, Coca-Cola is not available any
more due to the current political situation."
The boycotts appear to be part of a
nascent worldwide movement. One Web
site, www.consumers-against-war.de,
calls for boycotts of 27 top American
firms from Microsoft to Kodak while
another, www.adbusters.org, urges the
"millions of people against the war"
to "Boycott Brand America."
"Americans only pay attention when
money is on the line," director Heiko
Mueller told Reuters, whose firm buys
$300,000 worth of supplies from half
a dozen American firms each year.
"We wanted to make a statement against
this war and told our American partners
that unless they renounce what their
government is doing we won't do any
business with them anymore."
Full article here.
posted by August J. Pollak at
2:49 PM
|
 
And now, a random pondering from your
resident Big Dumb Single Male
An interesting juxtaposition of programming
was noticable last night if you were,
like me, flipping through channels, only
to notice that NBC had a very... let's
say unique... blend of programming content
across their networks. I'm sure the irony
was lost on them over the fact that NBC
was showing Donald Trump's Miss USA pageant
at the same time some talking heads on
MSNBC were having a discussion about women
in combat.
With the tragic events surrounding the
recent capture of American soldiers in
Iraq, one of whom is female, the debate
has yet again opened over the question
"should women be allowed to serve in dangerous
combat situations?" Now, I am obviously
upset that American soldiers were captured
and I offer my sincerest sympathies to
their familes, but after going back and
forth between these two channels I had
a thought. It involved Miss Alabama and
is unfit to print here, but then a second,
and vastly more important thought came
into my head once she wasn't on screen
anymore, and that was: when did an issue
like this get marginalized to women?
In other words, why are we suddenly asking
"should women be in dangerous combat?"
Umm.... I don't think anyone should
be in dangerous combat. In the sense of
equality, it seems ludicrous that the
capture of a woman over that of a man
begets a conversation about how that specific
person shouldn't have been in a situation
that led to her capture.
It goes without saying that the state
of the world we live in makes women more
vulnerable to physical harm, in many ways
that men are not as likely to experience.
But that's not just a danger that occurs
in Iraq; women are abused and mistreated
in their own homes by their own spouses,
by drug-popping perverts at frat parties,
and threatened both physically and psycologically
in sweatshops. Let's not even get into
the political ways women are persecuted
in this world. I don't see a revelation
in stating that keeping women soldiers
out of Iraq will lessen their chance of
getting harmed. Duh. So will keeping
men out of there.
If anything, NBC's multi-channel options
package last night proved that a woman
can be whatever the hell she wants, from
a beauty queen to a military officer.
If women want to be in the army and put
themselves at risk, they have every right
to do it. I want to prevent women- and
men- from the chance of such a risk in
a much more understandable way- keeping
them all the hell home.
|
 
Monday, March 24, 2003
Argh. Yet another one... more. Thingie.
Rob Strong sends me this reminder that
the Republicans aren't racists anymore.
Nope. Note at all. No siree.
Okay, they
are.
|
 
Okay, one more
This arrived in my e-mail a few days
ago with a From: tag of J.P. Trostle,
but my attempts to reply to him to tell
him he may or may not be one of the most
brilliant people alive fell flat when
the e-mail reply to him bounced back.
Therefore, I have no idea if this is just
really, really funny spam or just a full
inbox or something. Whatever. Here's the
funny.
[Subject: "ENLARGE YOUR COALITION!
GUARANTEED!"]
Want a big international COALITION?
Tired of getting spurned by hot European
girls because of your "unilateralism"?
Now, YOU can experience the COALITION
ENLARGEMENT you've always wanted with
a MASSIVE accounting breakthrough!!
100 GUARANTEED!!!
THE APPEARANCE OF SIZE DOES MATTER!
With the help of our GUARANTEED plan
you too will go from being a little
bush to a THICK, MIGHTY LOG in no time!
Best yet, our plan has NO Painful and
Hard-To-Use international pumps like
the UN, and NO annoying allies who might
actually try and assert themselves!
With our plan, you can GROW that HUGE
THROBBING COALITION in just THREE EASY
STEPS!!!
1) Get one of your buddies at the health
club (or in England) to SING PRAISES
of how MIGHTY your Coalition is, then
simply COUNT EVERYONE AT THE HEALTH
CLUB (or in England) AS BEING PART OF
YOUR COALITION -- WHETHER THEY WANT
TO BE OR NOT. Remember to use the phrase:
"Everyone down at the gym (or England)
says I have a huge coalition" often.
2) MOCK anyone who questions the size
of your coalition, especially if they
ask for measurements. Be quick to say:
"I don't have to measure it because
everyone KNOWS it's HUGE." Better yet,
ask them how big THEIR coalition is.
That usually shuts them up real fast.
If it doesn't, simply change the subject
or walk out of the room.
3) Tell possible MEMBERS they can hang
with you and the cool kids down at Club
NATO after the show. If that doesn't
work, promise to slip several billion
dollars into their economy (Don't actually
give them the money, just promise it.)
4) You can DOUBLE and TRIPLE the size
of your international thang by padding
it with SEXY sounding places like Latvia,
Uzbekistan and, ooh baby, Eritrea. And
if anyone wonders what good the Marshall
Islands are when they can't even field
2 guys at the Olympics much less an
army, you just shoot back "HEY, even
with MICRONESIA on my side I'm still
bigger than the French! HAR!"
5) And finally, when all else fails
just tell people 1/3 or more of your
coalition is HIDDEN and flatly refuse
to pull out the whole length. Insist
real gentlemen don't talk about such
things in public and that they'll just
have to trust your word as to how MASSIVELY
THROBBINGLY HUGE the whole coalition
is. Then cite security concerns and
have them arrested.
If you follow the above 4 steps, you
will be GUARANTEED to ERECT a bigger
coalition that will leave them all too
WILLING to drop trou, bend over and
do ANYTHING YOU TELL 'EM TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For more details, contact Ari Fleischer
at http://www.whitehouse.gov/
"'Enlarge your coalition' made me a
man!" - George B.
|
 
Overflowed inbox
See, this is what happens. You leave
for a week, war breaks out, people have
opinions about it- I mean, who
knew? (Not, apparently, the president,
of course)
For a site that was mostly dark and occasionally
completely down because of a server problem,
I still got a ot fo mail over my break,
so countless apologies to the even-larger-than-usual
number of you who didn't get replies,
post-ups, or any form of recognition.
I'm graduating from college in about seven
weeks, so you'll understand my free time
right now sort of falls in the "what's
that?" category. If it's any consolation,
please accept my statement that I did
indeed read every single piece of e-mail
sent to me... I just can't reply to all
of them.
Before we get to the war stuff, a quick
one from Thad Boyd, who has alerted me
to total documentation of the fact that
Hilary
Rosen has gone absolutely bonkers.
With the war just starting, Ashton Treadway
noted the offer
of exile for Saddam in Bahrain...
Ashton's comment was worthy to reprint
here:
If this story is right, does that mean
that the reign in Bahrain may mainly
help Hussein? By George W., I think
he's got it!
Robert Cook has this one-liner about
my comment on identifying Saddam's possible
doubles:
Trying to confirm Hussein's death is
simple enough; they just need to get
some DNA scrapings from Rumsfeld's hand.
(Several noted the ridiculousness of
the doubles issue, though one did note
that an easy way to identify a post-....
umm.... living Saddam would be to match
the DNA against that of his children.
Of course, we could end up vaporizing
him and all of his family, but where would
we get a giant 21,000-pound bomb to do
that? Oh, right.)
From Lida Sparer, in regards to my soda-spitting
over CNN's "did the power of prayer rescue
Elizabeth Smart?" comment:
I actually believe (maybe?) in the
power of prayer (not like you can say
"I want something," and you get it,
it's more complicated, I'm not going
to get into it, and also I try to be
careful what I pray for (mainly sticking
to "Thank you" and "Help me,") because
I don't think I know best and also if
God brought back Elizabeth Smart then
where is Etan Patz (you're probably
too young to remember but ask anyone
over 40, he disappeared from the village
20 years ago)) but you do have to wonder
why all these people who believe in
the power of prayer don't just pray
for Saddam to be good instead of bombing
the **** out of him.
Finally, Alexandra Manglis notes that
Terry
Jones is being brilliant again. Oh good.
Whoosh! That was fun. I feel like Cursor,
only without the readership.
|
 
Sunday, March 23, 2003
Quick moment of celebratory awesomeness
Congratulations to Michael Moore for
actually pulling it off. Next time, though,
mention the
studio I'm interning for that helped
with the movie so they can get more offers
and therefore need to hire me for projects.
Just sayin'.
Along with "Chicago" and "Spirited Away"
winning their respective picture categories,
every other one of my guesses were wrong.
Good thing I lost all my bettin' money
last week in Atlantic City already.
And before we all hear the garbage from
the Right about the audible boos during
Moore's speech- gimme a break, guys. Everyone
in that theater knew who Michael Moore
was, and last time I checked Best Doc
doesn't usually get a standing ovation.
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Am I back or not?
Well I have no idea, because I'm back
in my home base right now, except the
site is down, and I'll be damned if I
know why. So I have an assload of assignments
due for class, a broken web site, and
a few dozen e-mails waiting for me to
go through, not to mention, you know,
the whole war thing. So bear with me as
I try to get through all this for the
next day or so.
Update: The site appears to be
back up now. Gosh, good thing there's
nothing to talk about right now......
Jesus.
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Friday, March 21, 2003
Again.... WHAT?
Top US military planners are preparing
for the US to use incapacitating biochemical
weapons in an invasion of Iraq. Secretary
of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and Gen. Richard
Myers, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of
Staff, revealed the plans in February
5th testimony before the US House Armed
Services Committee. This is the first
official US acknowledgement that it may
use (bio)chemical weapons in its crusade
to rid other countries of such weapons.
Full article here.
And yes, I understand the difference between
lethal Sarin warheads and tear gas, but
from the PR and appeal-to-the-Iraqi-people
perspective, why the hell is this a good
idea? I'm sure when the Iraqi soldiers
see large clouds of toxic gas rising up
from the ground they'll really sit there
and say "oh, don't worry, it's just the
brave U.S. troops and their non-lethal
weaponry!" I mean, it's not like these
are a people proven to be easily susceptible
to anti-American propaganda or anything.
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Question.
Just a random thought for the weekend
pondering... has anyone noticed the key
problem with this "is it Saddam or not?"
stuff? I mean, we don't exactly have any
Saddam DNA or a copy of his dental records
around, and now we're talking about this
small handful of people in Iraq who, apparently,
serve no purpose in life other than looking
exactly like Saddam Hussein.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, exactly
what happens when we find a body in a
bunker somewhere? What if we find two?
What happens if three guys who all look
like Saddam Hussein all surrender to an
American infantry division at the same
time?
Has it occured to anyone else that with
this media barrage of "is he?" stupidity,
we've essentially removed any chance whatsoever
of being 100% sure we've captured or killed
Saddam Hussein, ever? I hope Ari Fleischer
thought of that, because I'd love to imagine
him spending the entire weekend curled
up in a fetal position, bottle of Jack
in one hand, bottle of Mylanta in the
other, wondering how the hell he's gonna
explain it if we lose a second
evil despotic military leader.
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Wednesday, March 19, 2003
Eight hours of arguing left
We got a call to write a song about
the war in the Gulf
But we shouldn't hurt anyone's feelings
So we tried, then gave up, 'cause there
was no such song
But the trying was very revealing
What makes a person so poisonous righteous
That they'd think less of anyone who
just disagreed?
She's just a pacifist, he's just a patriot
If I said you were crazy, would you
have to fight me?
Fighters for liberty, fighters for
power
Fighters for longer turns in the shower
Don't tell me I can't fight, 'cause
I'll punch out your lights
And history seems to agree that I would
fight you for me
So we read and we watched all the specially
selected news
And we learned so much more 'bout the
good guys
Won't you stand by the flag? Was the
question unasked
Won't you join in and fight with the
allies?
What could we say...we're only 25 years
old?
With 25 sweet summers, and hot fires
in the cold
This kind of life makes that violence
unthinkable
We'd like to play hockey, have kids
and grow old
Fighters for Texaco, fighters for power
Fighters for longer turns in the shower
Don't tell me I can't fight 'cause I'll
punch out your lights
And history seems to agree that I would
fight you for me
That us would fight them for we
He's just a peacenik and she's just
a warhawk
That's where the beach was, that's where
the sea
What could we say...we're only 25 years
old?
And history seems to agree
that I would fight you for me
That us would fight them for we
Is that how it always will be?
-Moxy Fruvous, "Gulf War Song," 1993
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Monday, March 17, 2003
FOOD FIGHT!
The French and the Germans fight back
against the freedom fries (sort of) with
this web site here, sponsoring a donation
to charity every time you Buy
a Pretzel (Bretzel) for George W. Bush.
(Click the upper-right flags for language)
Look, I don't really have anything else
witty to say right now. I'm supposed to
be on vacation, for crap's sake. Instead
I've had my face glued to CNN for three
hours and the only thing I know for sure
is that Wolf Blitzer is dead serious about
this now.... how do I know? He's ditched
the tie. OH NO! Blitzer is ready
for war, baby!
On a side note, I'm doing my best to
make a regular post, but there might be
that aforementioned silence soon. I'm
not being shut down by Ashcroft or anything,
just that my current location has limited
computer facilities... my e-mail is still
lax in response capability, so again,
be faithful in the fact that next week
will be a whole lot better.... at least
for this site. For the rest of the world,
next week appears to be downright screwed.
posted by August J. Pollak at
7:10 PM
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Cut and paste powers, activate!
To: Editors, Salon.com
cc: (below)
---------------
I have noted on my own site before
the fascinating fallacy of otherwise
straight-minded Democrats who suddenly
verge into the furthest regions of irrational
hysterics when it comes to the "blaming
of Ralph Nader." It pains me that with
Charles
Taylor's recent rant that this rhetoric
has now come to Salon.
Sites like Media
Whores Online have long tarnished
their ability to be seen as rational
and thoughful whenever they enter a
passage of drivel about Ralph Nader
and his neo-terrorist attempts to destroy
democracy in this country as we know
it... riiiiiight.
As a Gore voter, and one who openly
refutes Nader's qualifications to be
the leader of this country, I still
refuse to adhere to the absurd idealism
of battered, pathetic Democrats who
refuse to accept their own fallacies
as to why they have little to no power
in the government today.
As always with the fervent "for God's
sakes Clinton did nothing wrong, ever"
faction, Taylor spins a simple-minded
rationale that voting for Nader is the
reason Bush is driving this horrible
war right now. It's a logic as utterly
stupid as that which indicates a direct
connection between September 11th and
the need to invade Iraq, as utterly
stupid as the idea that using drugs
makes you a sponsor of terrorism, as
utterly stupid as saying gays caused
the AIDS epidemic.
These usually incoherent and always
obnoxious attempts to ignore the Democratic
Senate's support of abortion bans, former
Senator Al Gore's prior vote in support
of attacking Iraq (in support of a President
Bush, mind you), and Gore's controversial
loss in Florida that if actually accurate
was by a margin that could equally be
blamed on the Socialist Party's David
McReynolds, and instead turn to Ralph
Nader as the witch that must be burned
for the blight caused on the Democratic
Party. Democrats, and Taylor, would
be a lot better off if they started
accepting and working on their own fallacies
and difficulties instead of finding
an irrelevant candidate to martyr.
August J. Pollak
Artist/writer, "XQUZYPHYR & Overboard"
www.xoverboard.com
---------------
So whether or not they print it, you
can all see it. If anything, I think I
write better angry letters than Charlie
Daniels.
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Sunday, March 16, 2003
Told you I couldn't keep away
I guess enough was happening today to
break the Spring Break-imposed silence.
For one thing, of course, there's the
fact that the President of the United
States has gone, without a doubt, more
insane than he ever has before. I would
wax poetic about this except Tom has,
without a doubt, covered every emotion
I am feeling about the possibility of
war starting fucking tomorrow evening
as an American and a New Yorker already
with
his recent post.
So, onto unique perspectives then. I
attended a lecture... speaking... thingie...
sponsored by the CUNY Graduate Center
today, involving Bono (yes, that Bono)
being interviewed by some guys from the
New York Times about his career in both
music and humanitarian projects. So in
this, day two of my break at home, I'm
back on the bus to New York to attend
the event. No, I'm not complaining. And
on a side note, a ridiculously special
thanks to my friend Sue for giving me
the ticket to this thing. She could no
longer attend as the event had been rescheduled
due to the guest of honor's prior back
injury, to which Bono noted with a casual
"I've been having far too much sex for
my age" as his first statement of the
interview.
To be honest, little was said that you
hadn't heard in TV interviews already.
The event was mostly a public-adoring-of-Bono-for-just-being-Bono.
Even the ending Q&A was adulterated by
a string of "when's the next tour?" and
"at all your shows you pull someone up
to dance with, can you dance with me?"
questions. I have a feeling as a fanatic,
Sue (or for that matter my former roomate
Chris)
would have enjoyed this mass adoration
more than I. I'm a huge fan of Bono, but
for someone who's done enough work and
given enough insight into debt relief
to merit two Nobel Peace Prize nominations
(yes,just what a man of Bono's humility
needs- a friggin' Nobel Prize)
you'd think there'd be more interest in
hearing what he had to say about debt
relief.
What Bono did get out during the
hour event relating to the Third World
was relevant, especially considering our
newest venture in the War on Terror. Bono
credited Bush's recent pledge for AIDS
funding in Africa, and made reference
to Bush's devout Christian following with
an interesting tidbit of information:
"There's 2,103 verses in Scripture about
poverty." The fact is, Mr. Hewson continued,
that the greatest way to make an entire
continent show respect and adoration for
the United States is to see our flag on
medicine and trade agreements that could,
and can, literally save millions
of African lives. The cost of trying to
eliminate one man in Iraq is several times
what we would need to eliminate third-world
debt or fund AIDS drugs in impoverished
Africa.
On the bus ride into the city, I sat
next to Azra, a young girl who was a student
at my former high school back home in
Teaneck. She enthusiastically chatted
with me about NYU and politics. It turned
out that Azra was a Bosnian refugee, her
family having fled Yugoslavia ten years
ago during Milosovic's attempt to ethnically
cleanse the Islamic people from the region.
It was an amazing experience to talk with
her, because I realized that here I am,
some suburban wannabe-cartoonist about
to graduate college in like six weeks
or so, looking at and listening to this
beautiful, vibrant girl so enthusiastic
about going away to college eighteen months
from now and excited about her future
in general, having left a region so completely
and utterly fucked-up because of war and
the general desire of stupid people to
do stupid things with stupid weapons.
I think of perspective, and I think how
this is possibly one of the last posts
I'll be making about the war before it
actually starts, and it makes me wonder
how the hell a nation like ours- the only
nation on earth to have used both chemical
and nuclear weapons in combat- gave up
a chance to solve this problem without
killing thousands of innocent people.
I could get monumentally pissed about
this, but I've done that enough this weekend,
and with what's likely to come in the
next few days I don't want to think about
it. Instead, I shall do what all decent
and moral red-blooded American men do:
think about the cute 17-year old I met
on the bus. Happy weekend from your favorite
liberal heathen, George Dubya.
posted by August J. Pollak at
7:41 PM
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Friday, March 14, 2003
This hurts me more than it hurts you
Sorry, folks, but as soon as I hit "enter"
and post this, I'm officially on Spring
Break. That means home for the next week
to Teaneck, New Jersey, from whence all
other adventures will radiate. On your
end, that means limited access to e-mail,
if any. So assume that anything you decide
to send me now isn't going to be seen
until around the 23rd.
I hate taking long breaks too, but don't
worry, I have a half-assed open-ended
promise for all of you: I'll do my best
to check in when I can and post if possible.
I understand that with the looming war,
the recent Mideast peace proposal, what's-his-name
in the Democratic Party being a dick (pick
one) and so many other things that this
is the WORST time in the world for me
to be away from my base of operations.
That said, may you all have a safe and
healthy next ten days. To quote Kevin
McDonald of Kids in the Hall, "I am now
officially ignoring you."
posted by August J. Pollak at
6:30 PM
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I can leave for Spring Break happy
now
...knowing that this
exists. Warning to the dial-up crowd:
it's a 7 MB movie, but oh my holy lord
is it worth it. Mockery of the president
and John Agar movie dubs- all at once?
All hail Hercubush- this week's
most Awesome Thing Ever.
posted by August J. Pollak at
2:31 AM
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Quick link from the mailbag
Scott Armstong sent me this
CommonDreams article about Bush's
hypocrisy in light of his previous views
about saving the "poor, oppressed people"
of WhateverTheHell.
posted by August J. Pollak at
2:28 AM
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